It’s been one week today, almost to the minute, since we lost Mia. My heart still breaks when I think of her not being here, but I can now also remember her with happiness – that we had that time together.
I still look for her happy face in the window when I come home every day, and listen for her to come running whenever the freezer door is open, in hopes of getting her favorite treat… ice cubes. Those are actually the hardest parts of the day for me – I guess they are my strongest memories.
I miss her constantly. There truly is an emptiness in the house that she used to fill. If you know her – you know she had this amazing puppy-like energy and was always so happy! We still haven’t gotten rid of or put any of her stuff away. I just can’t bring myself to do it. We still have her list of pills and times she had to take them written on our white board in the kitchen. I’ve thought about erasing them and putting up our budgeting list (which we had before), but I’m not ready to let go quite yet.
J and I have been trying to keep busy and focus on other things. It’s been working out okay. One thing I am focusing on is me… specifically my health and fitness. I’ve kind of neglected these over the past couple of months. I didn’t want to leave the house to work out, after a full day at work, because I wanted to spend that time with Mia.
So now I need to get my routine back. I started on Monday with Iron Yoga, yesterday I did TurboKick, and this morning… I ran! ::gasp:: If you know me at all, you know that me getting up at 6:30 this morning to run is a miracle! Seriously – I despise getting out of bed.
And it was such a struggle this morning because my body was killing me! All over – I’m pretty sure every muscle hurt. I ran, according to my pedometer, 1.7 miles. And, I admit, I had to walk a couple of times. (I never quite accurately measured my step distance, so the distance could be very slightly off. I doubt it’s off by much though.)
I haven’t actually gone running since college – you know, one or two years ago. ;p I think I need to eat something small before going in the morning. At one point I got a little dizzy and it was probably due to not having eaten for 12 hours.
My plan is to go to class Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. I’d like to do at least 4 workouts a week – so I’ll do at least one run a week, and try to do 2. I’d like to avoid going Friday, Saturday and Sunday without getting in a workout.
About halfway through the run my iPod froze. I got it working now by resetting it, but I don’t really want to have to stop my run to do this every time. I’ve done some research, and this is apparently not uncommon. I was thinking of getting a cheap mp3 player just for running. I’m thinking under $50. Anyone have any recs of one that works well when it’s getting jostled around a bit?
I’ve been doing fairly well with cooking healthy meals. But I have a bad snacking habit – especially on weekends when I’m just being lazy. So I really need to work on that. I do well during the week, but weekends are the enemy! :p
Anyway – J and I are doing okay. Sometime this week we’ll get a call to pick up Mia’s ashes, and I think that’s going to be a really difficult day. But we’re working through it – trying to remember her with love and happiness, without the sadness, anger and grief.